A Word to the Wise

Okay, just let me start this post with the fact that I have been made fun of because I carry a mini "diaper bag" in my purse. At any given time, I have the following items in my purse:
1) bottle of GermX
2) boy band-aids
3) girl band-aids
4) wet wipes
5) antibacterial wet wipes
6) fingernail clippers
7) chapstick
8) Shout wipes (a stain remover for those not in the know)
9) napkins
10) a travel size roll of paper towels
11) mints (preferably peppermint but it depends on how recently I have been to a restaurant)
12) ponytail holders and a brush
13) rolaids
14) my headache medicine
15) lotion (travel size of course)
16) travel size pack of tissues
...and the list could go on, but you get the point. After this morning, I'm also going to carry an extra blanket and a change of clothes for both kids.

Early this morning, AJ woke up crying and whimpering about his throat. He was also flushed from a fever (102.8). Luckily I didn't have to work today, but I did have to pick up my carpool kid and take him and Lexi to school. Somehow I managed to get a 9:00 am appt for AJ, so we rushed out the door, ducky in hand, ready to make the mad morning dash...school and Peds Clinic (15 minutes early of course). Five minutes from Lexi's school, AJ starts hurling all over the carseat, all over ducky and himself. I whip the car into a cemetery and try to clean him off with a blanket under the carseat. While cleaning him up, Lexi's friend starts whining that he is going to be sick. In my possessed mom growl I told him to knock off the drama. He politely quiets down and I get back in the car, repeatedly murmuring to AJ to get sick in the blanket, its okay if he pukes in the blanket. I race to Lexi's school, throw them out of the car and then hit panic mode trying to figure out how I can get a change of clothes for AJ. I know, I'll call my husband...hey baby can you run to the PX for me and I'll meet you at work. He calls me back...the PX is closed it doesn't open until 9:00, just take him in stinky. I hang up thinking he is finished talking. Larry calls me back immediately...hey I wasn't finished, how bad is the car? Okay, not my problem right now!! I've other things to think about like whether I should take my chances at the hospital gift shop or should I try clothing and sales. I decide clothing and sales and speed over to the mini mall. I dash through the mall, run into the store (while I left AJ in the car sleeping...please don't judge), grab a way too big shirt and rush to the cashier. Then the wonderful, way too young cashier decides to have a conversation with me about Cancun, Mexico...have I ever been, it seems so fun, she would love to go, she can't afford it, but she has friends whose parents pay for them to go on vacation all the time, "like they just give them their credit card and say have fun". I felt so sorry for her though because her parents don't pay for her gas, wait I need to wipe away a tear. I finally get back to the car, AJ is still asleep and we speed to the hospital. I change him in the car and sprint to the clinic with about 2 minutes and 45 seconds to spare before his appt. By the way, my son is dressed in a way too big, looks like a dress, yellow army shirt and his puppy flip flops. We definitely left an impression. I think his Superman underpants were a big hit considering he kept insisting on sitting with his legs wide open.

Needless to say, the doctor and her PA in training concluded that it is probably Strep and ordered antibiotics for him. Now if you aren't in the military, you are unfamiliar with how our pharmacy works. There is no drop off the scrip and then leisurely peruse the magazine section. There is however, a large waiting area with all the other sick people, two gigantic TV's displaying the Pope leading a Mass in Washington DC (but you can't hear the sound) and it takes about 45 minutes at the earliest to get your medicine. AJ was done about 15 minutes into the wait and started throwing a fit. You can't yell at a sick kid, so we worked through it by taking a walk to the water fountain. Our name finally pops up on the screen and we get in line. I make it to the counter with my dress wearing son and put him down to give the tech my ID. I turn around and he is gone! I turn back around to tell the tech I need to get my son and she is gone! At this point, I'm about ready to throw my own adult size tantrum and then little mohawk wearing kid standing patiently with his mom at the next window says he went that way. I run around the corner and about 3 other adults point to the water fountain area (you can't miss a bright yellow shirt) and here comes AJ just strolling back to me, no care in the world. I rush back to the window, apologize to the tech and AJ walks up and says "I was thirsty so I got some water"...yeah, thanks for telling me buddy, how about telling me BEFORE you leave next time. Well, we finally make it home in one piece without anymore incidents in the car. I bring AJ in the house with the promise of nonstop TV and laying on the couch all he wants. I plop him on the couch and turn to find the remote when I hear "I feel funny mama" and out it comes, all over me, AJ, and the couch.

So, for all you moms who are dreaming of the day that you don't have a diaper bag anymore or you are experiencing the joy of no longer lugging around a small piece of luggage, I highly recommend stocking your car with a gigantic box of wipes, a couple of throw-up blankets and a change of clothes for your kid, oh and maybe a plastic bag or two to store the messy clothes so your car doesn't stink after sitting in a parking lot for almost two hours. Also, when your kid is sick, cover the couch in blankets so you don't have to actually clean the couch when it gets puked on. Oh, and one more thing, just kennel your dog. Don't let the request of your husband or the guilt of possible animal cruelty change your mind. Just stick your dog in the kennel upstairs and let her peacefully sleep the morning away. If you don't, then you will come home to this




and your house covered in strawberry pop-tart filling and crumbs, as well as the cardboard and fake aluminum wrappers the dog had to shred in order to eat 8 pop-tarts. Oh, and don't let your dog escape through the garage as you pull up to the house because you will only finally her later at the neighbors' house pulling the trash out of their trashcan. And then, you will find yourself with a trashbag picking up all your neighbors' trash from their yard. Better yet, just don't get a dog.